I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
