I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
