I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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