my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
