My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
