DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
