I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
