i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Randomize
