Me too!
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
PANTIES FOUND
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