fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
