She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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