spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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