I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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