i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
