just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
