i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
