the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
