you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
