Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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