alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
