in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
