so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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