You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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