I think im going to throw up on grandma
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
