PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
