Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
