2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
