And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You are the jesus of drinking
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
