she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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