legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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