i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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