It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
