I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
