It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
