I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
