you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
