Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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