3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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