While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
