i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
