I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
