He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You're like the curious george of whores
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
