I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
