Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
two words...techno handjob
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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