Christians are straight up FREAKS
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
