I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
