I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
