I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
