Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
