Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
