Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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