so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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