she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Sorry about my life...
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
